Reflect

By now, children have had a few weeks settling into their new classes and schools, university students have very recently left the nest and many parents will be getting used to new routines. It’s even already the time of year when children starting their final year of primary education get to tour around ‘big school’, giving many their first meaningful exposure to the mysteries of science labs and drama studios.

Browsing on Instagram over the weekend, I came across a video of a southern white rhino calf, born last week at Whipsnade Zoo to mum Jaseera and dad Sizzle (great name!). Weighing in at 45kg, he has got to be one of the most delightful creatures I’ve seen on the internet for quite some time (and believe me when I say that my social media feed is somewhat heavy on cute animals). Watching his disproportionately huge, clompy feet trotting around his enclosure, exploring his new world and sniffing out different experiences, before lying down exhausted next to the safety of mum, made me smile. It brought to mind how children find newness in so many places and felt like a timely reminder of the constant push and pull between comfort and adventure that is offered to us during autumn, and in life more generally.

For some children, every new adventure is greeted with relish as an opportunity to explore and embrace the unfamiliar. Others are more reticent, cautious in their approach to new situations, enjoying the comfort of the known, but not shying away totally from change. Most, I suspect, are a mixture of the two, navigating a fine line between excitement and uncertainty. For some children though, unfamiliar experiences which strip away their sense of security and control can lead to feelings of significant fear and anxiety. They might worry that they won’t be good at it, won’t like it, that it won’t live up to expectations or that it will be scary. They might actively avoid trying new things, which can lead to opportunities missed.

As parents, we often focus on preparing children for big, milestone moments. But perhaps it’s just as important to help them notice and appreciate the smaller, more understated experiences that shape their world - whether that’s walking to the shop by themselves for the first time, trying out a new skill when playing sport, making a friend or climbing higher up the tree in the park. Talk about these experiences. Talk about the process, rather than just the outcome. How did it make them feel in their body? How did they feel once they did it? Was anything tricky? What did they enjoy? By reflecting together on new things that have gone well, and perhaps the things that didn’t go to plan, however small these things are, we can help them approach the bigger ones with more confidence, enthusiasm and aplomb.

Motivate

Sure, to many of us, eating some broccoli doesn’t seem like a big deal. We might not think twice about trying an unfamiliar flavour, chewing a food with an unusual texture, or eating one of those fancy foams that accompany dinner in an upscale restaurant. But for some children, just like going to a new school or trying a new activity, eating new foods can be extremely daunting, and can become a site of anxiety. Let’s be honest. Having a child who is very resistant to new foods can undoubtedly feel very frustrating for us parents, especially when we are trying our best to put balanced, nutritious food on their plates, but sadly there are no easy fixes. In fact, in resources that she wrote for Tooled Up, paediatric dietitian Anjanee Kohli, told us that it can take up to 20 attempts for children to eat something new.

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t blame yourself. Recent research has found that ‘pickiness’ or eating a narrow range of foods is more down to genetics than parenting. However, there are some important steps that parents and educators can take to gently encourage children to broaden their horizons.

It's important to bear in mind that there are many positive steps that children can take towards eating, before a food even enters their mouths. If your child is reluctant to move away from the preferred foods that make them feel comfortable, try introducing them to a new food with a similar texture or taste to something that you know that they like. Start a conversation about it. Perhaps you could talk about how it’s cooked or how it’s grown? Outside of mealtime, put a small amount of the new food on a plate (for very young children, a top tip is to use a favourite plate, with loved characters on it). Ask your child to touch it or smell it. Making food fun and using messy play can be a very useful tool when encouraging your child to try different textures and foods.

Children can then be encouraged to pick up the new food with a fork, spoon or their fingers, and then to bring the food towards their face (moving it to their lips if they want to). Once they reach this stage, encourage them to lick the new food, or perhaps even put it into their mouth without chewing it or swallowing it. Once they’re happy to do this, you can move on to encouraging biting, chewing and swallowing the new food. They might only eat a small amount initially (a kernel of sweetcorn, or a cucumber stick). Gradually, the process can be repeated, increasing the portion size each time until they’re eating a regular portion.

If this sounds like a lengthy and time consuming process, that’s because it is. It’s unlikely that you’ll get through all the steps in one attempt and it may take many tries, so try not to be disheartened if this is the case. Offer lots of praise for each new food that they eat and for any steps that they make towards accepting a new food. Stickers or reward charts can work well for young children. Tempting as it might be, it’s not a good idea to hide new foods within ‘safe’ foods, as this can cause children to reject the food that they had been happy with, avoid telling them off for leaving food and don’t try to force them to eat. As well as being unsafe, this can cause negative feelings toward food and mealtimes, which can make children’s eating even more restrictive.

As always, don’t underestimate the power of role modelling. Eating together as a family and involving your child in food preparation can help to desensitise them and reduce their suspicions around different foods. Keeping mealtimes short is likely to be optimal. If you'd like more tips, read this article by former Tooled Up guest, Dr Sophie Medlin. Important to note that if you notice weight loss or static growth, if your child is not eating foods from all groups or accepting a multivitamin, or if they have heightened sensitivity around foods, then you should book an appointment at your GP or with a registered dietitian for individualised advice.

Support

Professor Lucy Bray is a children's nurse who has worked within acute children's nursing for over 25 years and is now Professor in Child Health Literacy at Edge Hill University in the UK. Whilst working on acute paediatric surgical wards, Professor Bray noticed that whilst many children had very positive experiences of hospital, some were not as prepared as they could have been and unfortunately had upsetting or unsettling experiences. One of her earliest pieces of research invited children’s opinions on what might help them navigate this new experience. Their responses sparked a long-term interest in how we educate and empower both children and parents when it comes to children's health and rights.

Professor Bray and I discussed how whilst as parents, we might expect to need to prepare our children for a major surgery or extended hospital stay, we may not pay so much attention to getting their teeth checked out, or going to the GP with earache. Yet, these more mundane, everyday medical appointments are the ones that set the scene for children’s procedural experiences going forward, and they may well be new to our children and feel full of unknowns and surprises - some of which might not be welcomed. Talking to children about what happens at these appointments is a good idea. Do they know, for example, that when we go to the dentist, someone prods around in our mouth? Do they know that there might be things that make noises? Do they know that they might be expected to answer some questions? Do they know that there might be a funny pink drink? Do they know that an x-ray is not the same as a laser and isn’t a machine that might come down and squash them (which is what some children thought when asked in one of Professor Bray’s studies)?

Remember that young children learn best through play. If they do seem anxious about an appointment, can you set up a little dentist with toys they have there? Could you use a doll or teddy to role play what happens when they walk into the doctor’s surgery? Can you ask the teddy to open their mouth as wide as possible or listen to their heart with a pretend stethoscope? Together, can you practise opening your mouths and keeping them open? Playing around with what might happen is a good way to ease any apprehension.

It’s also important not to make assumptions about their concerns (if they have any). As Professor Bray told me, “There is a danger that we assume that young children will have certain kinds of questions and older children will have different kinds of questions, or that children with additional needs will need a certain kind of thing, and I think we can we can close down young people's ability to express what's mattering to them as soon as we do put those assumptions on them.” The best way to find out what they are thinking is to ask them! Planting questions or having quick chats about upcoming appointments can show children that you consider what they think to be very important and allow their thoughts to be surfaced more openly.

If your child does need a more serious medical procedure, remember that different children will need different preparation and that you know your own child very well. Some children want to know everything. Others don’t. It will also depend on their age, what procedures they have had before, what things they already know and understand and their own individual temperament in terms of how you deliver information. One of Professor Bray’s key pieces of advice is to tell them the truth. Provide them with information that is factual and honest. Children need to be able to trust that what you and their doctors say is true. If you don’t know how to answer any of their questions, be honest and let your child know that you can try to find out together. Try not to provide empty reassurances. Whilst well meaning, comments like, ‘It’ll all be ok”, can actually make children feel more anxious. Remember too that different people experience procedures differently. It’s advisable not to tell children that something won’t or will hurt because children often report that if their experience doesn’t chime with their expectations, they feel worried.

If your child has a hospital appointment coming up, have a look at the animations and videos that Professor Bray and her team have produced, which all aim to make hospital visits better for children and remove some of the unknowns. You could also explore the What? Why? Children in Hospital website, which is packed with videos to help children and parents prepare for hospital and answer some of their questions, starting with What? and Why?

A final thought! Common to helping children thrive through any new experience is a quick and honest check in on our own feelings about it. If you feel anxious or worried about their experience, it might be worth taking a moment to reflect on why that might be (perhaps something happened to you in the past, for example) and consider what coping strategies might help you to remain calm and supportive. You could even spend some time talking about your reflections with a friend or loved one. As parents and caregivers, our emotions can set the tone for how children perceive a situation. If we feel anxious, hesitant, or overly concerned, our children may pick up on these cues and mirror them. On the other hand, when we approach new experiences with a calm, open and reflective mindset, children are more likely to feel safe, reassured and curious.