Reflect
A Sunday morning spent at the local athletics track last week observing young athletes in competition turned out to be a highly motivating one for me, as a middle-aged woman.
As my children are both members of this club, parents are occasionally asked to volunteer at events. I had been allocated a role at the long jump pit, a job that involved raking the sand in between young jumpers’ attempts (please note: there is an art to raking and plenty of rules to accompany the process). This club competition invited athletes from all age ranges to participate in any event that took their fancy, hence the line-up for the long jump involved the very young right up to what my youngest termed the ‘elderly’ (circa 50 years old!). Each athlete started the warm-up and began to calculate the best spot to start their run up from.
One young man stood out immediately. He was about 17, enthusiastic and looked excited for the competition. His lovely Dad was by the side of the track on the receiving end of instructions on how to film his son’s every practice and every attempt. “Dad, point the camera at the block”. “Dad, make sure you get the run up!” “Dad, make sure you catch the distance and record it”. My first impression was that he was out to win (fair enough), but there was something else about him that was impressive. It was the fact he was utterly unselfconscious about his determination to beat his ‘PB’ or ‘personal best’, announcing his intention to everyone. Suddenly, the crowd was on his side and rooting for him. With every run up, we were willing him on. The first attempt drew an equivalent score to his past PB, his second was a marginal gain, but his third attempt was a roaring success (and he managed to increase his previous best by 12 centimetres!).
How did he do it? By understanding his goal, articulating it (which meant he garnered audience support) and by tweaking his technique in real time (he would take time to re-watch his Dad’s phone footage following every jump). He wasn’t distracted by how others were doing, just completely focused on his own progression. It was his desire to compete against himself that was propelling him forward. He was bursting with pride when he beat his PB, to a round of applause. This young man was exhibiting all the hallmarks of the growth mindset that is a strong component of success in any field, not just sport.
A concept made famous by psychologist, Dr Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is about believing in your capacity to improve; this young man knew that the more he practised and the harder he tried, the better his chances would be of reaching his goal. He didn’t give up, instead demonstrating grit and perseverance. I watched the dynamic between father and son. Dad stood by the side of the track. He supported rather than shouted and gave his son the space and time to work out what could be improved upon after each jump. He didn’t bombard him with tips or advice. When his son did achieve his big goal, dad didn’t over-praise either, instead he congratulated his son for ‘sticking with it’. The temptation is always there for the loving parent to tell their children they are ‘absolutely amazing’ but frankly, there is nothing to strive for if one is already perfect!
Motivate
We have all been there, watching our children from the sidelines, whether on stage, on the pitch or by the pool. Our normal parenting job involves a lot of cajoling, instruction-giving and encouragement, but when children are actively engaged in sports lessons or competitive sport, what’s the best approach? And can our attempts to encourage actually serve to put them off? I think we all know the answer to that.
Gordon MacLelland from Working with Parents in Sport once wrote a fascinating blog about the potential ‘invisible damage’ done at the sidelines in sport from parents shouting out comments. At a Grassroots football game for under eights, he counted the number of tactical instructions shouted out from the sideline by parents and coaches to the children. “There were 134 yelled out in 40 minutes of play”.
Now, think of a task that you might be focused on (as an adult) and imagine being yelled at about something you aren’t doing well enough by a bunch of onlookers. Can you imagine how stress-inducing that might be? I confess if this happened to me I would likely refuse to participate, and many children do. They might walk off, give up, stop, pause, procrastinate or simply sit out. Why? Because they are stressed out and can’t think straight. It is the same whether or not they are doing a piece of homework or trying to score a goal. The way in which we stand by the sidelines matters, as does what we say to children in tense moments.
As loving parents, we all want to feel that we are helping, but we need to consider what that looks like. My son is a sprinter and there is generally a 12 second slot (hopefully less!) where I am on the sideline watching him run. I have noticed that even within that tiny, tiny time-frame, if I call out his name, his ears prick up, and that is NOT a good thing at the start of the race when he is trying to focus. A child is programmed to hear their parent’s voice and so, nowadays, I try to remain silent, giving him the time to mentally prepare, to zone in or out and to gather his thoughts. Sometimes, for big stake races, I ask him if wants me to attend or not.
The same approach can work when a child faces a big test or assessment. When driving or walking them to school to sit an exam, silence can be supportive. If we remind an already anxious child of all the things they shouldn’t forget, it is highly likely that this might amplify anxiety. Generally, by the time a race or an exam starts, the hard work has been done (or not) and we just need to focus on giving them the space to give it their best shot. In the lead up to a big day, a little bit of laughter, distraction and normality can give children the optimal chance of doing their best.
So, how do we know if we are being encouraging, motivating, demotivating, distracting or supportive? A good way to find out is to ask your child. Good questions to ask might be: How can I support you so you can do your best at this Saturday’s match? What is the most motivating thing I have ever said to you? Can you think of a person in your life that makes you want to try harder or do better? When you have done well before, what do you think made the difference?
The sort of intrinsic motivation demonstrated by the young man at the long jump has likely been nurtured over time; a parent noticing his early interest and promise, enquiring about joining a club, bringing him every week, caring about his progress, praising his efforts, giving him time to vent in the car journey on the way home, loving him through losses and showing pride in who he is more generally. An identity entirely wrapped up in success around one narrow element of one’s life is vulnerable. A child who feels valued for who they are more generally is more likely to weather the kinds of setbacks that are integral to long-term life success.
Further tips about motivation that are evidence-based and which also draw from ‘the long jump story’ are that children need to understand the value of the task at hand, they need to set feasible goals, possess a sense of autonomy and control, and understand and see their own progression. After all, when we look back and see how far we have come, we are encouraged to keep going even further.
Support
My stint helping out at the athletics track happens to have coincided with National Fitness Day in the UK. If you’re thinking what I am thinking, every day should involve some fitness activity, but this thematic day reminds us all to talk within family life about the importance of staying active over the life-span.
And let’s not just talk about it. How do we as parents motivate ourselves to stay active? It is tough, right? There are always long lists of other things we could or should be doing. Why go for a jog when the kitchen needs tidying? Why head to the gym when you know you haven’t completed a work task? The only way to motivate oneself is to prioritise one’s health. In an attempt to practise what I blog about, I attended a local gym last weekend for a ‘Body Pump’ session. I naively assumed that it was going to be a lot of jumping up and down, but it turned out that I was expected to lift a lot of weights in squat positions (not the easiest!). I was plopped at the front of the class, in full view of the mirror and the instructor, and was the least experienced in it. My goal for the session was simply to survive it, to listen to the instructions and to try and follow them as best I could! I set the goal, the limits and decided when to stop and start. I felt proud that I had beaten the procrastination to get there in the first place and gave myself a pat on the back for just getting through the class.
Remember, we aren’t all Olympic or Paralympic athletes but we can model the attitude that we want our children to also exhibit. Also, sport is not just confined to cricket, rugby, football or athletics. 32 sports featured in this year’s Olympic Games and the age range of those competing spanned 54 years (from an 11 year old skateboarder, to a 65 year old equestrian rider). There is something for everyone and introducing new ideas around fitness and activities for the young and the old in your household is a good chat to have this week! Perhaps have a jar full of ideas for activities that you might want to try as a family and another jar showcasing things you have already had a go at. Set little goals together within sports you are already engaged with and remember to reflect on progress as a motivator for success.
Are you a Tooled Up member?
Tooled Up members can explore our resources on sport, fitness, and reducing screen time to get outside more!
As it's National Fitness Day today, we have some great assembly slides for primary aged children which our school staff can use. We've also produced a lesson on Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport (REDs) to share with older students.
Movement doesn’t always have to be sport-focused. Holding onto the last few days of summer, why not get outside with our 75 Things to Do Outside resource? Getting outside for family walks or heading to the beach is a great way to move and learn at the same time and we have great resources on beach science for both primary aged children and teens.
Encouraging children and teens to put down technology and get outside can be tough, but you might find a few ideas in our 50 Activities to Try Instead of Looking at a Smartphone. We also have upcoming webinars that relate to putting down our tech and reducing screen time. Tooled Up members can book spots now on The Real Science of Screen Time: Separating Fact from Fiction with Professor Pete Etchells and What Exactly is a 'Smartphone Free Childhood'? And How Might Parents Implement One? with me, Dr Weston.
Speaking of technology, our children and young people can get a lot of their health and fitness information from social media. In October we are hosting a live Q&A with Dr Idz, who is famous on social media for debunking health and fitness myths. Sign up here and feel free to bring your teen along so that they can also ask questions!