Reflect

When I get stressed, it is always my sleep that suffers the most. I struggle to settle at night to go to sleep. I toss and turn all night, my mind racing. And then when I wake up in the morning, I’m exhausted! I can feel the effects of my poor sleep all day; I may struggle to focus, I’m irritable, and can forget organisational details. I can find my eyes getting heavy during the day wanting to have a quick afternoon nap.

By the time the weekend comes around, I think I’ll ‘treat myself’ to a longer lie-in to ‘make up’ for some of the sleep I lost during the week. However, little did I know that this isn’t the case and I’m actually making my life harder for myself by the time Monday rolls around again.

I try lots of things to help me get to sleep better: a warm shower or bath, having ‘wind down time’ in my bed, additional coffees during the day (to keep me awake so that I’m more tired at nighttime), exercise, trying to limit time on my phone, or watching something on television. However, much to my surprise, a number of these things don’t help and may be contributing to some of my sleep problems! Thankfully, I’ve learned a lot about my own sleep needs through Tooled Up’s partnership with a brilliant organisation: The Sleep Project, true experts in evidence-based approaches on this topic.

Motivate

Did you know that in younger children sleep is essential for learning, memory formation, emotional regulation, physical and mental development? Did you know that in pre-teens and teens, it is critical for their thinking and academic achievement, their emotional wellbeing, mental health and body development? Good sleep quality can help our tweens and teens make sense of things that have happened to them during the day and even help them rationalise some of the more challenging experiences. Teens who are well-slept even retain positive memories over negative ones!

We know from our work with The Sleep Project that hours of sleep needs vary as children grow and develop. Whilst there are recommended sleep times for each age group, sometimes these guidelines will not work for particular children. For example, with toddlers (1-2 years), the recommended sleep duration is 11-14 hours, but 9-16 hours could be appropriate! It is recommended that pre-schoolers (3-5 years) get around 10-13 hours, but again, 8-14 hours may be appropriate. Once children hit primary school, the recommended sleep duration is 9-11 hours of sleep, but 7-13 could work well for some children. As for those teens 14+, if they can manage to get between 8-10 hours, fab, but 7-11 hours could be optimal.

Parents should be heartened to know that numbers are general guidelines and what works for one family might not necessarily work for another. Even if you have two children of a similar age, they could have very different sleep needs.

Just like we can sense in ourselves when we haven’t had enough sleep, our children can feel it too. However, they may not always be able to identify that this is why they may be behaving or acting differently. So, if behaviour suddenly deteriorates, anxiety rises, or learning takes a turn for the worse, always audit the quality of your child’s sleep first.

Like the adults in their lives, sleep-deprived children can be irritable, find it difficult to control or regulate their emotions, and can struggle with concentration. You may see bags start to develop under their eyes or hear constant yawns! Sleep deprived teens will show a lot of the same signs, but they may also experience quite severe mood swings. Everything also seems much worse when we’re tired, and it is difficult to rationalise or think logically about situations.

From our most recent Tooled Up webinar with The Sleep Project team, we know that for teens, sleep and mental health go hand in hand. It is a bidirectional relationship, meaning that one will impact the other and vice versa. To further highlight how strong this link is, in the UK, there is evidence to suggest that nearly 50% of those who have seen a professional through the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) also have severe issues with their sleep. This statistic is alarming, but does indicate that if teens were supported with their sleep while waiting for a CAMHS assessment, their mental health may possibly improve! We know from studies that up to 25% of children are misdiagnosed with ADHD when they actually have sleep apnoea. For sure, sleep needs to be prioritised and explored as part of investigations into how a child is managing and coping in general.

Support

First things first. We need to puzzle out how many hours of sleep our children need per night, and be open to editing that in a flexible way as they grow. We know from our webinar with Dr Caitlin Chesser that sleep is so vital for teens, but their body clock is also changing. They want to go to bed later (so stay up later), but this means they can really struggle in the morning to get going. This is because their body clock may have shifted by two hours or more! So asking them to get up at 7am, is like you trying to get yourself up at 4am… No wonder they’re struggling!

Light matters. Getting the best quality sleep means shutting out the world so you don’t have any interruptions. Then in the mornings, waking up our children with that burst of light that comes with opening the curtains or pulling up those blinds is key. Getting as much natural light as possible during the day will encourage their brain to set their body clock. This can also help to offset the negative effects of artificial light in the evenings. Keep their room at a reasonably cool temperature, as this too can help improve sleep quality. Dr Caitlin Chasser from The Sleep Project suggests the ideal temperature is 16-18 degrees.

Routines enable better sleep. As intuitive as it feels, letting our teens sleep in at the weekend won’t help in the long run. Binge sleeping at weekends may help to replenish a sleep debt, but it can also give confusing messages to the brain about when it is time to sleep. Researchers have found that keeping weekday and weekend routines fairly regular will still allow teens a lie in, but will avoid a huge discrepancy or jet lag between weekdays and weekends.

As parents, the struggle to keep digital devices out of our children’s bedrooms is real. But, did you know that those arguments before bed can be more emotionally arousing and sleep inhibiting than any ‘blue light’ coming from their phone? Research by the adolescent sleep researcher, Dr Faith Orchard also suggests that what teens are doing on their phone at that time of night (again rather than the blue light) may be affecting their ability to get to sleep.

Where children and teens are struggling with sleep, parental warmth and understanding, empathy and collaboration can really mitigate some of the effects of sleep loss. Talk about what is working and what isn’t. Collaborate to consider what you can do to improve sleep quality as a family. Talk about sleep care, consider effective family approaches to reducing evening worries, discuss keeping those digital devices out of bedrooms and come to agreements that feel good for all. Given the impact of sleep deprivation on every aspect of family life, if you are having sleep problems, we urge parents to strongly consider using the services of sleep consultants, who are there to support you to implement many of the ideas listed above. We have been deeply impressed with the compassion, care and knowledge shown by our partners at The Sleep Project and we know that families’ lives have been transformed by their support, so don’t be shy reaching out to them, wherever you live in the world!